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Post by tuxedopug on Jul 15, 2013 8:48:55 GMT
[...] When you are a hartosexual you are NEVER alone, you will be able to find one of us to go to even on your darkest days <3 This. This statement holds more truth than anyone can ever imagine. I came out to myself in September last year, after a pretty long struggle. I guess I should have known that I was gay when I was waaay younger, like 12-13... but I never had put much thought in it. I had a couple of crushes and been in love with a girl because it felt natural; it wasn't about 'oh she's a girl she's pretty', it was more like 'oh, this feels nice, I like it'. Fast forward a couple of years later, in 10th-11th grade. One of my best friends hooks up with a guy and I turn into this jealous monster. I found myself stealing glances, looking at her in ways I didn't even realize I had done before; I was craving her attention in more that just a best-friend way. When I realized that... I hated myself, I told myself that this isn't ok, being gay isn't something ok, I'm not that kid, no. Then life happened, we grew apart, I isolated myself from everyone I loved because of this (and other stuff) because I didn't feel like I deserved to have friends. I was in a bad place. Slowly - but steady - I accepted myself, I accepted that being gay is something natural and beautiful and I shouldn't put myself down for it. This is where I consider I came out to myself: I could say it to myself, yes I'm gay, I love this about myself and I love myself! Immediately after that, I found out about Grace, Hannah, Mamrie, tumblr. I found amazing people who were proud of who they are, and this gave me a sense of happiness, a sense of community, that I belonged somewhere. In late march (this year), I was reading some Hartbig fanfiction... and I decided that I want to tell someone. So I gathered up the courage and I told one of my best friends, to which I haven't talked for over a year (see: my feeling that I didn't deserve friends, isolated myself). Basically, I found in her the support I couldn't have hoped for. This gave me the courage to come out to other people, more or less everyone that matters in my life (except my parents). And this is where I am now. I'm 22, I love myself for who I am, I love girls, I love talking about the fact that I love girls (pretty hair, pretty smile, amazing bodies... someone, stop me...). I found some amazing friends in this Hartosexual/Hartbig/Holy Trinity community. I still have bad days, days when I can't talk about stuff with close (read: distance) friends, but I know there's someone as far as an ocean and a continent away (or 7 hours away) that I can always talk to, and that's amazing! You really aren't alone in this community, which feels very very much as a family. And I couldn't agree more with Hannah when she said that the Internet isn't a lonely place, it really does bring people together. Awww, your story made me tear up :'). Being in a state of self hatred is an terrible place to be, and I can definitely agree that being out, and accepting your self for who you are really does feel much better. I'm so happy that you accept your self and that your proud of who you are, as you should be. <3 |
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pumpkinsparks
Junior Member
How did I not see the status thing before?
Posts: 85 
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Post by pumpkinsparks on Jul 15, 2013 8:55:44 GMT
[...] When you are a hartosexual you are NEVER alone, you will be able to find one of us to go to even on your darkest days <3 This. This statement holds more truth than anyone can ever imagine. I came out to myself in September last year, after a pretty long struggle. I guess I should have known that I was gay when I was waaay younger, like 12-13... but I never had put much thought in it. I had a couple of crushes and been in love with a girl because it felt natural; it wasn't about 'oh she's a girl she's pretty', it was more like 'oh, this feels nice, I like it'. Fast forward a couple of years later, in 10th-11th grade. One of my best friends hooks up with a guy and I turn into this jealous monster. I found myself stealing glances, looking at her in ways I didn't even realize I had done before; I was craving her attention in more that just a best-friend way. When I realized that... I hated myself, I told myself that this isn't ok, being gay isn't something ok, I'm not that kid, no. Then life happened, we grew apart, I isolated myself from everyone I loved because of this (and other stuff) because I didn't feel like I deserved to have friends. I was in a bad place. Slowly - but steady - I accepted myself, I accepted that being gay is something natural and beautiful and I shouldn't put myself down for it. This is where I consider I came out to myself: I could say it to myself, yes I'm gay, I love this about myself and I love myself! Immediately after that, I found out about Grace, Hannah, Mamrie, tumblr. I found amazing people who were proud of who they are, and this gave me a sense of happiness, a sense of community, that I belonged somewhere. In late march (this year), I was reading some Hartbig fanfiction... and I decided that I want to tell someone. So I gathered up the courage and I told one of my best friends, to which I haven't talked for over a year (see: my feeling that I didn't deserve friends, isolated myself). Basically, I found in her the support I couldn't have hoped for. This gave me the courage to come out to other people, more or less everyone that matters in my life (except my parents). And this is where I am now. I'm 22, I love myself for who I am, I love girls, I love talking about the fact that I love girls (pretty hair, pretty smile, amazing bodies... someone, stop me...). I found some amazing friends in this Hartosexual/Hartbig/Holy Trinity community. I still have bad days, days when I can't talk about stuff with close (read: distance) friends, but I know there's someone as far as an ocean and a continent away (or 7 hours away) that I can always talk to, and that's amazing! You really aren't alone in this community, which feels very very much as a family. And I couldn't agree more with Hannah when she said that the Internet isn't a lonely place, it really does bring people together.That was beautiful! I'm really glad that you feel better about who you are now. I never had a problem with my sexuality, but I had (or rather still have) some mental issues like severe depression. And the friends I made on the internet this past year (mainly Nerdfighters and Hartosexuals) really helped me to like myself again. I felt like I can open up to them, and they helped me a 1000 times more than I could have hoped for! |
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Post by tvfreakinabox on Jul 15, 2013 9:22:37 GMT
I probably struggled with both, and really... This community, the internet helped me in ways I can't explain. I tried to, but no words can do justice. This is why I love and consider us a family, because we are so open minded, ready to talk/help in any way that we can. We are people that love people, in the end.
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Post by harto-helbig on Jul 15, 2013 10:31:48 GMT
I realised I was attracted to females when I was about 11, then when I was 12 I had a full blown crush on the most pretty and funny (andstraight v.v) girl ever. I still have a crush on her, and I'm now 15. But yeah I only recently have been thinking, more about it, I am still on the edge and unsure if I am lesbian or bi/pansexual but I do prefer girls a lot more. Curse sexuality and how complicated you are! This is like EXACTLY what my story is.. |
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Post by regenschein on Jul 15, 2013 13:24:10 GMT
Hey Guys
so, my story's a bit weird.
i knew i was gay pretty early, like in primary school, but i felt like then it was really not the time to deal with it, and i suppressed all that for a looong time. for that time, i just didn't really deal with my sexuality, and only really came out to myself at 22. i myself am really happy with being gay and don't have any problems with it. (it's been about a year, i'm 23 now)
i'm only out to my 2 closest (female) friends, and i mean they were really great about it and i could talk to them any time. however, i have never had a girlfriend, nothing, not even kissed anybody, so i don't really see the point in coming out to anyone, if that makes sense? after all, sexuality is fluid and i can't rule out the possibility that i might fall for a boy, so it would be really awkward if i came out to everybody and then they all assumed stuff and i ended up with a boyfriend... and anyway, i can't help but feel like i'm a forever alone.
well, the thing is, i feel kind of stuck in the closet, and i don't really know what to do... has anybody ever been in a similar position?
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Post by weekoony on Jul 15, 2013 13:54:47 GMT
Hey Guys so, my story's a bit weird. i knew i was gay pretty early, like in primary school, but i felt like then it was really not the time to deal with it, and i suppressed all that for a looong time. for that time, i just didn't really deal with my sexuality, and only really came out to myself at 22. i myself am really happy with being gay and don't have any problems with it. (it's been about a year, i'm 23 now) i'm only out to my 2 closest (female) friends, and i mean they were really great about it and i could talk to them any time. however, i have never had a girlfriend, nothing, not even kissed anybody, so i don't really see the point in coming out to anyone, if that makes sense? after all, sexuality is fluid and i can't rule out the possibility that i might fall for a boy, so it would be really awkward if i came out to everybody and then they all assumed stuff and i ended up with a boyfriend... and anyway, i can't help but feel like i'm a forever alone. well, the thing is, i feel kind of stuck in the closet, and i don't really know what to do... has anybody ever been in a similar position? Yeah, I know how you feel. You don't want to say anything in case you find that ONE guy and everyone might judge you on that. I struggled for a while with it because I felt that I needed a label so I didn't have to explain anything (because people that aren't in your situation tend not to understand) but no labels really applied. Also, lack of "evidence" makes people skeptical when you come out to them. It's not something that can be helped, you just have keep faith in yourself rather than the (sometimes unintentional) ignorance of others. As of feeling forever alone, I wholeheartedly empathise with you. All I can say is, bide your time and put yourself out when you can. Something will come along eventually. |
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Post by rehabzombies on Jul 15, 2013 14:48:12 GMT
I realised I was attracted to females when I was about 11, then when I was 12 I had a full blown crush on the most pretty and funny (andstraight v.v) girl ever. I still have a crush on her, and I'm now 15. But yeah I only recently have been thinking, more about it, I am still on the edge and unsure if I am lesbian or bi/pansexual but I do prefer girls a lot more. Curse sexuality and how complicated you are! This is like EXACTLY what my story is.. It only really takes that one amazing person to come along to mess with your brain~ |
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Post by funnybanana on Jul 15, 2013 17:45:35 GMT
hello, so i guess i should say my coming out story.
i realized in middle school that i wasn't really into guys. not like my friends were. but, i figured it would just happen eventually, so i just left it alone. then i got to high school. and i remember walking down the hallway and seeing straight couple after straight couple, and realizing that that wasn't what i wanted. i didn't want a boy holding my hand, hugging me, kissing me goodbye before class. it didn't feel right. so that is how i came to the conclusion that i liked girls.
i came out to a few close friends. they were all supportive. then i joined my schools gsa, and came out to them. obviously they were fine with it. and thats where i met my ex-girlfriend.
we had been dating for few weeks, and i still hadn't told my mom. i knew she was going to be fine with it, but its still really hard to do. fortunately, or unfortunately depending on how you see it, i didn't have to come out to her. she asked me. we were watching a movie and she paused it and asked me. i don't know if it would have been better for me to tell her on my own, but it happened the way it did and i'm fine with it.
my dad was in Afghanistan at the time, my mom called him and told him.
so i don't even know if it is a coming out story, because i didn't do a lot of it, but thats it!
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Post by mzhartz on Jul 15, 2013 20:44:44 GMT
I'm in the "I don't know what to label myself, and that's okay," crowd.
I'm a happily married woman (to a man), and have never been with a woman. I couldn't imagine never having sex with a man ever again. So, for the most part, I'm straight. (I'll be 32 tomorrow, and our 10th wedding anniversary is coming up in a couple weeks.)
Except for when I like women. I tend to find more men attractive than women, I prefer men, but that doesn't mean I don't ever desire women.
There's the woman that I've been attracted to ever since I first saw her. I didn't meet her then, but this is a small town, we have mutual acquaintances and similar hobbies, and now we're friends. I think she might be attracted to me too. One night when we were supposed to go out with friends, it ended up just being the two of us. We had this wonderful conversation about life and relationships and women. Like me, she's married to a man, although she's interested in women as well. So I guess I'm not alone in this.
That doesn't make it any less awkward. Since I'm married, I guess it doesn't really matter what I am. But our marriage, although not open, is flexible.
So I guess my whole point is, it doesn't matter how old you are, you may never firmly know. But I'm happy with who I am, whatever that may be.
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Post by thoaparadoxrulesu on Jul 15, 2013 20:51:32 GMT
[...] When you are a hartosexual you are NEVER alone, you will be able to find one of us to go to even on your darkest days <3 This. This statement holds more truth than anyone can ever imagine. I came out to myself in September last year, after a pretty long struggle. I guess I should have known that I was gay when I was waaay younger, like 12-13... but I never had put much thought in it. I had a couple of crushes and been in love with a girl because it felt natural; it wasn't about 'oh she's a girl she's pretty', it was more like 'oh, this feels nice, I like it'. Fast forward a couple of years later, in 10th-11th grade. One of my best friends hooks up with a guy and I turn into this jealous monster. I found myself stealing glances, looking at her in ways I didn't even realize I had done before; I was craving her attention in more that just a best-friend way. When I realized that... I hated myself, I told myself that this isn't ok, being gay isn't something ok, I'm not that kid, no. Then life happened, we grew apart, I isolated myself from everyone I loved because of this (and other stuff) because I didn't feel like I deserved to have friends. I was in a bad place. Slowly - but steady - I accepted myself, I accepted that being gay is something natural and beautiful and I shouldn't put myself down for it. This is where I consider I came out to myself: I could say it to myself, yes I'm gay, I love this about myself and I love myself! Immediately after that, I found out about Grace, Hannah, Mamrie, tumblr. I found amazing people who were proud of who they are, and this gave me a sense of happiness, a sense of community, that I belonged somewhere. In late march (this year), I was reading some Hartbig fanfiction... and I decided that I want to tell someone. So I gathered up the courage and I told one of my best friends, to which I haven't talked for over a year (see: my feeling that I didn't deserve friends, isolated myself). Basically, I found in her the support I couldn't have hoped for. This gave me the courage to come out to other people, more or less everyone that matters in my life (except my parents). And this is where I am now. I'm 22, I love myself for who I am, I love girls, I love talking about the fact that I love girls (pretty hair, pretty smile, amazing bodies... someone, stop me...). I found some amazing friends in this Hartosexual/Hartbig/Holy Trinity community. I still have bad days, days when I can't talk about stuff with close (read: distance) friends, but I know there's someone as far as an ocean and a continent away (or 7 hours away) that I can always talk to, and that's amazing! You really aren't alone in this community, which feels very very much as a family. And I couldn't agree more with Hannah when she said that the Internet isn't a lonely place, it really does bring people together. This was just beautiful  <3 |
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pixardreamer
New Member
the only thing I've done in life is listen to Afro Circus on loop for an hour.
Posts: 23
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Post by pixardreamer on Jul 16, 2013 2:04:32 GMT
Somehow I'm more comfortable on the internet than in real life when I'm talking about sexuality.. Maybe it's the fact that I read you guys' stories and realized that we're all ok, even when we think we're not. Because this community makes me feel alright with who I am. And I don't know who I am. The first time I admit maybe having feelings for a girl (she's straight as a log) was to my twin; when I was about 13? I guess it's always been the feeling of being too young and not knowing enough about the world that I have never really focused on those feelings and just kept pushing it away. I guess I'm still confused, but I'd much rather have a relationship with a girl than with a boy. I'm 15, and I don't want to openly admit anything yet. So thank you. Thank you all for sharing your stories and making me ok to share mine, even if it's not that much in detail. (also, 2 years later, and I'm pretty sure I still have some feelings for the same girl) ((SHE'S JUST REALLY AMAZING?))
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hartbiglove
New Member
this website confuses me
Posts: 12
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Post by hartbiglove on Jul 16, 2013 3:52:57 GMT
Okay, so here's my story. I had a feeling for a long time that I might be gay. Maybe since I was 12 or at least that's when I recognized it. But I just always thought no, that's not you because you're normal. Then when I was 13, I told my mom that my friends were going out and she was skeptical because she was sure my one friend was gay (and in her defense, he is flamboyantly gay and has indirectly come out to me). At the time, I got really defensive and told her that he wasn't. I don't remember exactly what she said but these words stuck out in my memory: "you are sure of your sexuality." When she said that, my immediate thought was no I'm not. I guess she just said it out of ignorance and she assumed that there was no way that her own daughter was gay. (surprise!) Anyway, I pretty just pushed back all my feelings with superficial crushes and a strong desire for a boyfriend, although I now realize that what I really wanted was a relationship (which I still do). Last summer, I decided I was bi, but I kept way deep down in my most inner thoughts and feelings. Then at the start of 9th grade, I really started to think about it. I had a crush on my dance teacher (it's not as creepy as it sounds, she's 23 and I'm 15 and we're super close and we're pretty much best friends) and it was really hard for me to admit that to myself. In November, I actually decided that I was bi. I justified it because I was pretty sure I liked guys and I wanted to have biological children and in the end be normal I guess. By March, I knew I was a full blown lesbian. I struggled with that for a month or so. I was just so afraid of changing my mind. And I know that labels aren't important and all that, but I needed to give myself a label. That's just the kind of person that I am. I came out to my best friend in April. She's really the best best friend anyone can ask for and she's moving away and I don't know what I'm going to do without her. I haven't told anyone since. I have become more sure of myself though. I want to tell more of my friends soon, but it's just so hard for me to get the words out. The worst part is that it's not that I don't want people to know, I just don't want to tell them. I understand your struggle with needing to give yourself a label. For a long time I pressured myself into figuring out a label. None of the labels felt right in my heart. I would say straight, but considering I dated a girl for two years, I can't call myself that. I would say bisexual, but that never felt right either nor did lesbian. Then one day, I had a revelation. Who do we owe it to to label ourselves? What is giving ourselves a label going to do for us internally? "The worst part is that it's not that I don't want people to know, I just don't want to tell them." I also understand this! Nowadays I just don't mention my sexuality unless someone asks me a question about it. Yes, our sexuality is part of who we are, but it's not like we have to introduce ourselves to people as "Hi, I'm _______, and I'm straight/bisexual/gay/lesbian/etc." If someone asks a question about it and I feel that I can trust them/am comfortable with them, I will answer honestly. P.S. Loved reading your story! Thank you for that, it's always great to know that there are people who feel the same way you do:) |
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hartbiglove
New Member
this website confuses me
Posts: 12
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Post by hartbiglove on Jul 16, 2013 3:55:36 GMT
I understand your struggle with needing to give yourself a label. For a long time I pressured myself into figuring out a label. None of the labels felt right in my heart. I would say straight, but considering I dated a girl for two years, I can't call myself that. I would say bisexual, but that never felt right either nor did lesbian. Then one day, I had a revelation. Who do we owe it to to label ourselves? What is giving ourselves a label going to do for us internally? "The worst part is that it's not that I don't want people to know, I just don't want to tell them." I also understand this! Nowadays I just don't mention my sexuality unless someone asks me a question about it. Yes, our sexuality is part of who we are, but it's not like we have to introduce ourselves to people as "Hi, I'm _______, and I'm straight/bisexual/gay/lesbian/etc." If someone asks a question about it and I feel that I can trust them/am comfortable with them, I will answer honestly. P.S. Loved reading your story! Haha, I do the same thing. If it comes up naturally, or if someone asks me straight into the face, I answer honestly. Truthfully, that is how I 'came out' to all the people who know that I'm pan (though I usually say bi, to avoid the discussion). I mean, I don't hide it. Mostly the question comes up, because I look after a women, or a guy friend says something like "boy, that women was gorgeous!" and my respond is "YEAH! And damn those legs." Hartbiglove, good luck in coming out to your other friends. I know it can be tough sometimes. But if you need any help or support, please know that we're always here for you! Thank you so much! I am so lucky to have this beautiful community of hartosexuals:) |
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amandashaaawty
New Member
Sometimes the best of intentions go awry, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try.
Posts: 30
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Post by amandashaaawty on Jul 16, 2013 6:06:03 GMT
I understand your struggle with needing to give yourself a label. For a long time I pressured myself into figuring out a label. None of the labels felt right in my heart. I would say straight, but considering I dated a girl for two years, I can't call myself that. I would say bisexual, but that never felt right either nor did lesbian. Then one day, I had a revelation. Who do we owe it to to label ourselves? What is giving ourselves a label going to do for us internally? "The worst part is that it's not that I don't want people to know, I just don't want to tell them." I also understand this! Nowadays I just don't mention my sexuality unless someone asks me a question about it. Yes, our sexuality is part of who we are, but it's not like we have to introduce ourselves to people as "Hi, I'm _______, and I'm straight/bisexual/gay/lesbian/etc." If someone asks a question about it and I feel that I can trust them/am comfortable with them, I will answer honestly. P.S. Loved reading your story! Thank you for that, it's always great to know that there are people who feel the same way you do:) I agree! For the longest time I felt so alone in how I thought and felt. I had a very rough time. Especially my freshman year of college because my roommates made homophobic comments. At the time I was in a relationship with another girl, so I felt like I had to really suppress that part of my life. But then I made new friends the following year and I was able to be myself with them! I also started watching Hannah's videos and I went to a Social Justice retreat and things completely changed! I try to be there for others as much as I can because I know EXACTLY how it feels to think that nobody else understands or feels the same way you do. If you ever want to talk more, go right ahead! |
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Post by belikethebluebird on Jul 17, 2013 0:24:41 GMT
Hey does anyone here have experience with an lgbt group for young people? You know, like at a community centre etc.? I have yet to work up the nerve to go to the one near me, partly because I really don't know what to expect. I've certainly creeped its facebook a ton though. So I was wondering how you guys felt about them.?
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<3
