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Post by pyrowolf2point0 on Jul 17, 2013 21:26:48 GMT
Another homo here. I was in denial for many years and even dated a few guys, although it never lasted long as I always knew something wasn't right so I always broke it off pretty quickly. Never been in a relationship with a lady, I'm a quiet person and tend to keep myself to myself, I'm also a PhD student so what little social life I do have is currently nonexistent! So yeah, I don't really meet new people very often. I'm not "out" and I assume people who know me think I'm straight due to my past relationships, although by the way I look/dress I think strangers assume I'm a huge homo  Part of me doesn't want to come out because I think it's not something I should have to do, I'd like to think that if I do meet someone I could just say "this is who I'm dating, it's no big deal". The other part of me thinks I'm just a coward who's afraid of being judged, like I'm afraid of disappointing people or them thinking I'm "wrong". I think the people I would most like to come out to are my friends. I don't feel the need to come out to my family because I personally would feel a bit weird discussing my sexuality with my parents and I know they wouldn't be bothered anyway. But with my friends, I always feel like I'm having to pretend to be something I'm not when they're all discussing guys and relationships and stuff. The thing is they're all straight and the way they react to other gay people leads me to think they might judge me and not want to hang out anymore. The simple answer would be to get new friends if they can't take me for who I am, but I've known them for years and being the introvert I am I would be socially isolating myself by cutting them out of my life. Sorry for rambling, I hope that made sense! I'm sorry if I'm replying to this in the wrong way, I'm 100% new at foruming lol. I totally get how you feel, the way you're feeling about your friends is how I felt about my family before I came out to them. My advice would be to give them more credit if they're people who you truly trust. While people can be really cruel and closed minded, they can also surprise you and I think you may find during your coming out journey that more people will surprise you than shun you. My mom always told me that she wouldn't be able to handle any of her children being gay and that she didn't want her kids "flip flopping between dating boys and girls." Once I finally came out to her she told me that I should be proud of who I am and that she's sorry for the stupid things she had said in the past. I really hope that if you do decide to come out to your friends or family your social life won't be ruined and you'll keep those friends you have for years to come. |
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pumpkinsparks
Junior Member
How did I not see the status thing before?
Posts: 85 
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Post by pumpkinsparks on Jul 17, 2013 21:33:11 GMT
Another homo here. I was in denial for many years and even dated a few guys, although it never lasted long as I always knew something wasn't right so I always broke it off pretty quickly. Never been in a relationship with a lady, I'm a quiet person and tend to keep myself to myself, I'm also a PhD student so what little social life I do have is currently nonexistent! So yeah, I don't really meet new people very often. I'm not "out" and I assume people who know me think I'm straight due to my past relationships, although by the way I look/dress I think strangers assume I'm a huge homo Part of me doesn't want to come out because I think it's not something I should have to do, I'd like to think that if I do meet someone I could just say "this is who I'm dating, it's no big deal". The other part of me thinks I'm just a coward who's afraid of being judged, like I'm afraid of disappointing people or them thinking I'm "wrong". I think the people I would most like to come out to are my friends. I don't feel the need to come out to my family because I personally would feel a bit weird discussing my sexuality with my parents and I know they wouldn't be bothered anyway. But with my friends, I always feel like I'm having to pretend to be something I'm not when they're all discussing guys and relationships and stuff. The thing is they're all straight and the way they react to other gay people leads me to think they might judge me and not want to hang out anymore. The simple answer would be to get new friends if they can't take me for who I am, but I've known them for years and being the introvert I am I would be socially isolating myself by cutting them out of my life. Sorry for rambling, I hope that made sense! Totally makes sense. I still didn't come out to a lot of my friends and (I believe) all of my family - I kinda lost track of who knows and who doesn't, because I don't really care - and when I did it was more as a thrown in comment to something I did or say before. Like me looking after a hot chick and they get a bit confused and then me just disregarding it with a "oh yeah, btw, I'm bi". I was amazed as to how many of my friends were not surprised at all. Like, I knew that they'd be ok with it, but those who knew me for longer, seemed to have known long before me... Of course, I don't know how your situation is, but I would try to come out to them, once you feel comfortable to. Maybe if you're not sure, hint about your sexuality first, and see how they react. Or next time they act weird about someone elses queerness, just ask them something on the line of "if one of us would be gay. Say I would tell you that I was gay, would you react like that as well?" Or maybe talk alone to one of them, that you know the longest or the bestest or are the closest, and just ask him/her how they would react. Tell them why you are so scared to tell them, and that you don't want to lose them. If they then don't exept you, due to your sexuality, then I'm sorry, sweety, but then they aren't really your friends. I know it's not easy, but we're all here for you if you need some virtual hugs <3 |
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kolo
Junior Member
Posts: 61
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Post by kolo on Jul 17, 2013 21:33:17 GMT
Another homo here. I was in denial for many years and even dated a few guys, although it never lasted long as I always knew something wasn't right so I always broke it off pretty quickly. Never been in a relationship with a lady, I'm a quiet person and tend to keep myself to myself, I'm also a PhD student so what little social life I do have is currently nonexistent! So yeah, I don't really meet new people very often. I'm not "out" and I assume people who know me think I'm straight due to my past relationships, although by the way I look/dress I think strangers assume I'm a huge homo Part of me doesn't want to come out because I think it's not something I should have to do, I'd like to think that if I do meet someone I could just say "this is who I'm dating, it's no big deal". The other part of me thinks I'm just a coward who's afraid of being judged, like I'm afraid of disappointing people or them thinking I'm "wrong". I think the people I would most like to come out to are my friends. I don't feel the need to come out to my family because I personally would feel a bit weird discussing my sexuality with my parents and I know they wouldn't be bothered anyway. But with my friends, I always feel like I'm having to pretend to be something I'm not when they're all discussing guys and relationships and stuff. The thing is they're all straight and the way they react to other gay people leads me to think they might judge me and not want to hang out anymore. The simple answer would be to get new friends if they can't take me for who I am, but I've known them for years and being the introvert I am I would be socially isolating myself by cutting them out of my life. Sorry for rambling, I hope that made sense! I'm sorry if I'm replying to this in the wrong way, I'm 100% new at foruming lol. I totally get how you feel, the way you're feeling about your friends is how I felt about my family before I came out to them. My advice would be to give them more credit if they're people who you truly trust. While people can be really cruel and closed minded, they can also surprise you and I think you may find during your coming out journey that more people will surprise you than shun you. My mom always told me that she wouldn't be able to handle any of her children being gay and that she didn't want her kids "flip flopping between dating boys and girls." Once I finally came out to her she told me that I should be proud of who I am and that she's sorry for the stupid things she had said in the past. I really hope that if you do decide to come out to your friends or family your social life won't be ruined and you'll keep those friends you have for years to come. Thank you for the advice and I'm glad things turned out well with your Mum. You're right, I think I should give them more credit and perhaps work out if it's something worth losing them for if it does take a turn for the worst. I think part of this is learning to accept myself as well as I really don't think I've 100% done that and maybe I am projecting some of my feelings onto my friends (although they have made outright homophobic comments in the past). I think I'll just take things steady and work on building my confidence up with all this before rushing into coming out to them, perhaps dropping some subtle hints along the way  pumpkinsparks: Thanks for you reply  Yeah, deep down I know they're not my true friends if they don't accept me, it's just the idea of having no one to hang out with if they all abandon me that scares me. Although perhaps that will force me to go out and meet people who I feel I can be myself around. |
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pumpkinsparks
Junior Member
How did I not see the status thing before?
Posts: 85
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Post by pumpkinsparks on Jul 17, 2013 21:38:26 GMT
pumpkinsparks Oho I got that staring down to a science~*~*~ It's the whole talkin like a normal human that gets me. Hot people are like... agressively hot. My wing-lady gets hit on alllll the time by ladies (and me, because it's not bff-ship unless erryone thinks you date) but my gaydar brings me ladies that have already gotten hitched! It's wack! Or one bi-curious girl who gets a bf while I'm too paralyzed by her cute to talk to her- I'm clearlyyy a natural Barney Stinson ha! I even hit my campus's gltbqa club- and it was full of cute straight girls. THEY HAUNT ME. I would buy that as a shirt! Well, I never get hit on by girls - or guys for that matter. Very very rarely by guys... And if they do, they're either douchbags who hit on everthing that moves, or are people I consider friends and never ever anything more... Like only those I'm super-duper not attracted to. Yey? I think I'm gonna make that shirt! Yey, another new project to put in my to-do pile that I will never ever finish  |
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Post by rehabzombies on Jul 17, 2013 22:06:51 GMT
I've never been hit on but I don't think I mind too much that I haven't. :> windswept: Hehe~ Thanks ^^ |
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Post by windswept on Jul 18, 2013 3:05:53 GMT
Hold the phone! I got this~! pumpkinsparks Eyyyy gurl, can you give me directions? Cause I just got lost in you're eyes~*~*~ rehabzombies Did you know global warming started on the day you were born? Because you hot girl! I collect pick up lines beeteedubs! But to keep this thread here on topic- kolo: I feel you man. It's rough. I'm also a generally shy person, and in an isolating major- not a good mix especially when that pang of loneliness hits. However the first group of friends you make is not always the perfect fit. I got some good advice recently- you have nothing to lose from starting a conversation with someone, and the gain is possibly immeasurable. I like trying to branch out rather than cutting others out completely. PSH GIRL YOU ARE MY SPIRIT ANIMAL. For reals. In my experience, I know alotta straight girls like lookin at lady butts too so sometimes I get the ol' maybe I just want to be her, not be on her, deal? But those buns... I dodged the 'are u gay' question a few times know (purely because I am secretly Moffat and I love cliff-hangers) because I don't feel I have a satisfying answer. I have never given someone an official label of myself, not even my closest friends who see my raging homo Hulk side on a daily basis- which I wonder if I should because then perhaps I could attract the single ladies, but I also like to keep my head down. So I can't offer you much insight there- other than you're are not alone in this brah. Like fr srs. And you won't be forever aloneee, forever! Life is funny like that! |
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kolo
Junior Member
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Post by kolo on Jul 18, 2013 6:43:59 GMT
Hold the phone! I got this~! pumpkinsparks Eyyyy gurl, can you give me directions? Cause I just got lost in you're eyes~*~*~ rehabzombies Did you know global warming started on the day you were born? Because you hot girl! I collect pick up lines beeteedubs! But to keep this thread here on topic- kolo: I feel you man. It's rough. I'm also a generally shy person, and in an isolating major- not a good mix especially when that pang of loneliness hits. However the first group of friends you make is not always the perfect fit. I got some good advice recently- you have nothing to lose from starting a conversation with someone, and the gain is possibly immeasurable. I like trying to branch out rather than cutting others out completely. PSH GIRL YOU ARE MY SPIRIT ANIMAL. For reals. In my experience, I know alotta straight girls like lookin at lady butts too so sometimes I get the ol' maybe I just want to be her, not be on her, deal? But those buns... I dodged the 'are u gay' question a few times know (purely because I am secretly Moffat and I love cliff-hangers) because I don't feel I have a satisfying answer. I have never given someone an official label of myself, not even my closest friends who see my raging homo Hulk side on a daily basis- which I wonder if I should because then perhaps I could attract the single ladies, but I also like to keep my head down. So I can't offer you much insight there- other than you're are not alone in this brah. Like fr srs. And you won't be forever aloneee, forever! Life is funny like that! "I am secretly Moffat and I love cliffhangers" haha I love you! Funny thing is, I've never really had anyone out right ask if I am gay, closest I got to that was a gay girl in high school saying "you look like the kind of girl who likes girls" I'm not too worried about being "forever alone", if something happens, it happens. I've always been a bit of a loner, but not in a depressing way, more of an introverted I like my own space sort of way. Sometimes I do feel like it would be nice to meet someone one day to share things with, but I'm not actively on the prowl I dunno if anyone else also feels weird about coming out past their teenage years. I'm relatively young (23), but I just feel like this is something I should have figured out when I was a teenager, especially since I was dating guys back then! And I think because I look and act gayer than a unicorn vomiting a rainbow I'll get a lot of people saying "we knew it!" |
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koo
New Member
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Post by koo on Jul 18, 2013 7:08:00 GMT
So my story... Recently (since like may or so) I've been seriously questioning everything about myself, especially my sexuality. I would wake up every day not knowing who I was and I couldn't fall asleep until like 4 a.m. I remember one night I got out of bet at 1 a.m and looked myself in the eyes (in my mirror) and said "Who am I"... that was probably one of my darkest moments. so fast forward a few months of hardcore thinking and questioning and consulting with my best friend. I found out that I am a lesbian pretty much the week before meeting Hannah. I didn't accept it at all however and pretended that it was just her that made me freak. (awkward crush). So I met Hannah, (best day of my life) and it was all fine and dandy. Then a week or two later it finally hit me. I couldn't run away from it any longer... I'm a lesbian. I have only told my best friend and internet strangers so far, and I'm terrified to tell anyone else because I absolutely hate confrontation and judgement. I've gotten bullied enough without people knowing this about me... I can't imagine how bad it would be if they actually had something they could make fun of about me. The thing is, I don't like lying and being alone in this closet. It has only been like a month and I'm already lonely. This sucks I'm so sorry things are tough right now, but you have friends here in the hartosexual community even if we are just strangers on the internet  thanks this helps a lot hah <3 |
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maxwelljay
New Member
So, that's the whole point of brunch? You get drunk... in the morning... I just call that Morning.
Posts: 5
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Post by maxwelljay on Jul 24, 2013 5:47:00 GMT
Hey, I'm kinda searching for answers that i just cant seem to dig up myself. Because i grew up with some larger personal issues I kind of learned to suppress my feelings to survive. Although I'm glad i learned to do this because in all honesty i might not be here if i hadn't, i find it thoroughly infuriating now because i cannot for my life find the little box in my head that contains feelings for the opposite and same sex. Freshman year i had a "crush" on two boys (at different times) and it seemed simpe. I thought they were hot and nice so i figured that was a crush. Sophomore year things got complicated, i was walking down the halls when suddenly i saw a girl i had known freshman year and felt nothing for except friendship and now I felt butterflies in my stomach and my heart raced and i wanted to run so bad away from her and the implications of those feelings. For the rest of the year, i slowly figured out her schedule and walked the same halls as her in hopes of seeing her. Now, the thing is, i cant tell if i like her because i'm gay, or i like her because she looks allot like Hannah. I think i do have a crush on Hannah but everyone says they have a girl crush on Hannah because seriously, who doesn't, so i don't think that matters much. Now nearly the beginning of Junior year, i go through phases where i say, Yes i am definitively gay. And then the next day i say, no I'm definitely straight. And ugh, can anyone just describe what they feel when they see their crush? maybe i can search for those individual emotions because I'm just lost in, well, me. Thanks in advance. |
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kolo
Junior Member
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Post by kolo on Jul 24, 2013 6:39:50 GMT
Hey, I'm kinda searching for answers that i just cant seem to dig up myself. Because i grew up with some larger personal issues I kind of learned to suppress my feelings to survive. Although I'm glad i learned to do this because in all honesty i might not be here if i hadn't, i find it thoroughly infuriating now because i cannot for my life find the little box in my head that contains feelings for the opposite and same sex. Freshman year i had a "crush" on two boys (at different times) and it seemed simpe. I thought they were hot and nice so i figured that was a crush. Sophomore year things got complicated, i was walking down the halls when suddenly i saw a girl i had known freshman year and felt nothing for except friendship and now I felt butterflies in my stomach and my heart raced and i wanted to run so bad away from her and the implications of those feelings. For the rest of the year, i slowly figured out her schedule and walked the same halls as her in hopes of seeing her. Now, the thing is, i cant tell if i like her because i'm gay, or i like her because she looks allot like Hannah. I think i do have a crush on Hannah but everyone says they have a girl crush on Hannah because seriously, who doesn't, so i don't think that matters much. Now nearly the beginning of Junior year, i go through phases where i say, Yes i am definitively gay. And then the next day i say, no I'm definitely straight. And ugh, can anyone just describe what they feel when they see their crush? maybe i can search for those individual emotions because I'm just lost in, well, me. Thanks in advance. Hey, I went through exactly the same thing as you. I also tend to suppress my feelings, which is due to things that have happened during my childhood. I had crushes and even dated guys, but I think I did that more because of society's norms that I felt I had to fit into. I found out later that I just had a "friend crush" on these guys, in that I thought they were great and really wanted to be friends with them, rather than actually be in a romantic relationship with them. I also find guys "hot", but not in a way that I feel attraction to them, I just think "yeah they're nice to look at". I don't get crushes on people often, but when I do they're pretty intense. I think the main sign of a crush to me is that I tend to look past any aspects that I would normally consider unattractive or a fault either in their looks or personality and just find them utterly beautiful as a whole person. I also tend to feel totally self conscious around them and will often avoid speaking to them so I don't say anything stupid (yeah, smooth I know ). If you want to figure out this aspect of yourself, I totally understand, I did too. But it's also worth bearing in mind that some people disregard the labels "gay" and "straight" and just go with the flow and see who they fall in love with, regardless of gender. You shouldn't feel pressure to be sure about this |
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maxwelljay
New Member
So, that's the whole point of brunch? You get drunk... in the morning... I just call that Morning.
Posts: 5
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Post by maxwelljay on Jul 24, 2013 8:09:58 GMT
Hey, I'm kinda searching for answers that i just cant seem to dig up myself. Because i grew up with some larger personal issues I kind of learned to suppress my feelings to survive. Although I'm glad i learned to do this because in all honesty i might not be here if i hadn't, i find it thoroughly infuriating now because i cannot for my life find the little box in my head that contains feelings for the opposite and same sex. Freshman year i had a "crush" on two boys (at different times) and it seemed simpe. I thought they were hot and nice so i figured that was a crush. Sophomore year things got complicated, i was walking down the halls when suddenly i saw a girl i had known freshman year and felt nothing for except friendship and now I felt butterflies in my stomach and my heart raced and i wanted to run so bad away from her and the implications of those feelings. For the rest of the year, i slowly figured out her schedule and walked the same halls as her in hopes of seeing her. Now, the thing is, i cant tell if i like her because i'm gay, or i like her because she looks allot like Hannah. I think i do have a crush on Hannah but everyone says they have a girl crush on Hannah because seriously, who doesn't, so i don't think that matters much. Now nearly the beginning of Junior year, i go through phases where i say, Yes i am definitively gay. And then the next day i say, no I'm definitely straight. And ugh, can anyone just describe what they feel when they see their crush? maybe i can search for those individual emotions because I'm just lost in, well, me. Thanks in advance. Hey, I went through exactly the same thing as you. I also tend to suppress my feelings, which is due to things that have happened during my childhood. I had crushes and even dated guys, but I think I did that more because of society's norms that I felt I had to fit into. I found out later that I just had a "friend crush" on these guys, in that I thought they were great and really wanted to be friends with them, rather than actually be in a romantic relationship with them. I also find guys "hot", but not in a way that I feel attraction to them, I just think "yeah they're nice to look at". I don't get crushes on people often, but when I do they're pretty intense. I think the main sign of a crush to me is that I tend to look past any aspects that I would normally consider unattractive or a fault either in their looks or personality and just find them utterly beautiful as a whole person. I also tend to feel totally self conscious around them and will often avoid speaking to them so I don't say anything stupid (yeah, smooth I know ). If you want to figure out this aspect of yourself, I totally understand, I did too. But it's also worth bearing in mind that some people disregard the labels "gay" and "straight" and just go with the flow and see who they fall in love with, regardless of gender. You shouldn't feel pressure to be sure about this Thank you so much for this. I know exactly what you mean because i think i dated my past boyfriends because society told me this is what you do so i said ok. I still dont know whether my "feelings" for boys are what i think society wants, or what i actually want. Thanks for the crush description it really does help. I think i kind of know what to look for within my self now. And lastly, i understand i don't need a label, but i'm one of those people who like to know where their life is going. I mean i have the next twenty years of my life very roughly lined out and to leave such a major hole in my plans as to what gender of a person i will be spending the rest of my life loving, i just find it very hard to sit with. And i also don't want to hurt anyone, i don't want to get in a relationship with a boy to find out i'm gay and hurt him or vise versa with a girl and being straight. But thank you, once again, this really helped. I hope i responded to your post right XD i'm a little new to this forum stuff. hehe. Thanks again. -max |
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pumpkinsparks
Junior Member
How did I not see the status thing before?
Posts: 85
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Post by pumpkinsparks on Jul 24, 2013 20:04:42 GMT
Thank you so much for this. I know exactly what you mean because i think i dated my past boyfriends because society told me this is what you do so i said ok. I still dont know whether my "feelings" for boys are what i think society wants, or what i actually want. Thanks for the crush description it really does help. I think i kind of know what to look for within my self now. And lastly, i understand i don't need a label, but i'm one of those people who like to know where their life is going. I mean i have the next twenty years of my life very roughly lined out and to leave such a major hole in my plans as to what gender of a person i will be spending the rest of my life loving, i just find it very hard to sit with. And i also don't want to hurt anyone, i don't want to get in a relationship with a boy to find out i'm gay and hurt him or vise versa with a girl and being straight. But thank you, once again, this really helped. I hope i responded to your post right XD i'm a little new to this forum stuff. hehe. Thanks again. -max It's ok to want answers. And it's totally understandable, that you don't want to hurt anyone by 'deciding on the wrong label' (stupid description, but I hope you know what I mean). But please don't forget, that sexuality isn't black and white and stable. It's fluid and has all the colours. You might find out that you're gay or straight and never have that conclusion challenged. But you also might be bi or pan, and just like 'em both. That's ok, too. It's also ok to experiment, while you're unsure. And if you find yourself in a situation like that, but you fear to move forward due to your confusion, than try to be open about it, and tell them that you're not sure. Sadly, it's easier if you find yourself in a homosexual relationship-possibility-situation, since most of us went through this period of confusion. Make the situation hetero and the partner might be a bit less understanding. Next 20 years roughly lined out? That is one heck of a planning you did there. I used to be the same way. I had it all planned out, and knew what I wanted to do, but then life interfered and it might just not work out the way you've planned. But that's ok. And it's ok to NOT know the gender of your future lifepartner at your age (if you're going to be a Junior, you're 16? Right?) Also, generally the plan should stay roughly the same with either gender at your side. In that context (well, imo, in all the contexts, but that's my pan speaking) gender is just a minor detail, like the haircolour or the height. And you probably didn't incorporate these details in your plan either |
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maxwelljay
New Member
So, that's the whole point of brunch? You get drunk... in the morning... I just call that Morning.
Posts: 5
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Post by maxwelljay on Jul 25, 2013 2:39:07 GMT
Thank you so much for this. I know exactly what you mean because i think i dated my past boyfriends because society told me this is what you do so i said ok. I still dont know whether my "feelings" for boys are what i think society wants, or what i actually want. Thanks for the crush description it really does help. I think i kind of know what to look for within my self now. And lastly, i understand i don't need a label, but i'm one of those people who like to know where their life is going. I mean i have the next twenty years of my life very roughly lined out and to leave such a major hole in my plans as to what gender of a person i will be spending the rest of my life loving, i just find it very hard to sit with. And i also don't want to hurt anyone, i don't want to get in a relationship with a boy to find out i'm gay and hurt him or vise versa with a girl and being straight. But thank you, once again, this really helped. I hope i responded to your post right XD i'm a little new to this forum stuff. hehe. Thanks again. -max It's ok to want answers. And it's totally understandable, that you don't want to hurt anyone by 'deciding on the wrong label' (stupid description, but I hope you know what I mean). But please don't forget, that sexuality isn't black and white and stable. It's fluid and has all the colours. You might find out that you're gay or straight and never have that conclusion challenged. But you also might be bi or pan, and just like 'em both. That's ok, too. It's also ok to experiment, while you're unsure. And if you find yourself in a situation like that, but you fear to move forward due to your confusion, than try to be open about it, and tell them that you're not sure. Sadly, it's easier if you find yourself in a homosexual relationship-possibility-situation, since most of us went through this period of confusion. Make the situation hetero and the partner might be a bit less understanding. Next 20 years roughly lined out? That is one heck of a planning you did there. I used to be the same way. I had it all planned out, and knew what I wanted to do, but then life interfered and it might just not work out the way you've planned. But that's ok. And it's ok to NOT know the gender of your future lifepartner at your age (if you're going to be a Junior, you're 16? Right?) Also, generally the plan should stay roughly the same with either gender at your side. In that context (well, imo, in all the contexts, but that's my pan speaking) gender is just a minor detail, like the haircolour or the height. And you probably didn't incorporate these details in your plan either Hehe, the planning wasn't that hard, its just a rough line, as-in: vet school, military, then retire in the country. And although the gender of my life-partner wouldn't change this line, it would change allot of my family relationships. My father being very against gays and my mothers side of the family being quite conservative, i fear that if i find i'm gay i will be almost all but cut off from them if the day comes that i need to tell them. Luckily i know most of my friends would be ok with it so i have a good base to fall back to if that day ever comes. Which kind of leads me to this, I know my best friend (he's a guy) likes me. He has admitted it, even gone as far to say he loves me. We have known each other for over four years and a few months ago i warned him that i thought i might be gay and i didn't want to date him because i was worried i would end up hurting him. He actually took this quite well and said he was completely fine with it. I kind of wanted your opinion on whether i should give dating him a shot. I'm worried he'll thing that he is just a lab rat for me to determine my sexuality on or I'll just hurt him in the end. But i guess if i look at the other side of things, if it worked out, it would be so nice. I don't know, this isn't really a fair question to ask of a stranger xD but advice is always very nice Lastly, i understand sexuality isn't black and white, and it can change, but i think that's what scares me most about it. -max |
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pumpkinsparks
Junior Member
How did I not see the status thing before?
Posts: 85
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Post by pumpkinsparks on Jul 25, 2013 4:42:30 GMT
Hehe, the planning wasn't that hard, its just a rough line, as-in: vet school, military, then retire in the country. And although the gender of my life-partner wouldn't change this line, it would change allot of my family relationships. My father being very against gays and my mothers side of the family being quite conservative, i fear that if i find i'm gay i will be almost all but cut off from them if the day comes that i need to tell them. Luckily i know most of my friends would be ok with it so i have a good base to fall back to if that day ever comes. Which kind of leads me to this, I know my best friend (he's a guy) likes me. He has admitted it, even gone as far to say he loves me. We have known each other for over four years and a few months ago i warned him that i thought i might be gay and i didn't want to date him because i was worried i would end up hurting him. He actually took this quite well and said he was completely fine with it. I kind of wanted your opinion on whether i should give dating him a shot. I'm worried he'll thing that he is just a lab rat for me to determine my sexuality on or I'll just hurt him in the end. But i guess if i look at the other side of things, if it worked out, it would be so nice. I don't know, this isn't really a fair question to ask of a stranger xD but advice is always very nice Lastly, i understand sexuality isn't black and white, and it can change, but i think that's what scares me most about it. -max Oh yeah, it's definitly is 'easier' if you're 100% gay or 100% straight. Easier as in, a lot of people don't believe that bi is actually a thing, but more a transition or state of confusion and have never heard of pan, and easier as in that it's already confusing to figure out that you're not straight, but to figure out "ok, it's not that I'm confused about my sexuality anymore, I generally like both" isn't easy... My question on the guy thing is: how much do you like him? Do you like him in a way that possibly could be romantic interest? Or do you know you only like him as a friend? Or did you just start thinking you might like him after he told you about his feelings? Or do you have a serious crush on him? He knows where you're at. If you decide to go out with him, and it turns out you ARE gay, he would be ludicrous of him to say he's ok with it first and then back out later. It is as if you would realize he just was a friend in the end, and end it. But in the end, it's your decision. My advice is only: Search your own feeling on how you feel about him. It doesn't have to be the exact definition of them, but at least a direction. The family thing sucks. I've never been in a situation like that growing up in a super open minded family and environment. I just hope that, no matter what you find out, it will be ok. There isn't really anything I can tell you to make it easier, other than: they might surprise you! |
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maxwelljay
New Member
So, that's the whole point of brunch? You get drunk... in the morning... I just call that Morning.
Posts: 5
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Post by maxwelljay on Jul 25, 2013 5:40:17 GMT
Hehe, the planning wasn't that hard, its just a rough line, as-in: vet school, military, then retire in the country. And although the gender of my life-partner wouldn't change this line, it would change allot of my family relationships. My father being very against gays and my mothers side of the family being quite conservative, i fear that if i find i'm gay i will be almost all but cut off from them if the day comes that i need to tell them. Luckily i know most of my friends would be ok with it so i have a good base to fall back to if that day ever comes. Which kind of leads me to this, I know my best friend (he's a guy) likes me. He has admitted it, even gone as far to say he loves me. We have known each other for over four years and a few months ago i warned him that i thought i might be gay and i didn't want to date him because i was worried i would end up hurting him. He actually took this quite well and said he was completely fine with it. I kind of wanted your opinion on whether i should give dating him a shot. I'm worried he'll thing that he is just a lab rat for me to determine my sexuality on or I'll just hurt him in the end. But i guess if i look at the other side of things, if it worked out, it would be so nice. I don't know, this isn't really a fair question to ask of a stranger xD but advice is always very nice Lastly, i understand sexuality isn't black and white, and it can change, but i think that's what scares me most about it. -max Oh yeah, it's definitly is 'easier' if you're 100% gay or 100% straight. Easier as in, a lot of people don't believe that bi is actually a thing, but more a transition or state of confusion and have never heard of pan, and easier as in that it's already confusing to figure out that you're not straight, but to figure out "ok, it's not that I'm confused about my sexuality anymore, I generally like both" isn't easy... My question on the guy thing is: how much do you like him? Do you like him in a way that possibly could be romantic interest? Or do you know you only like him as a friend? Or did you just start thinking you might like him after he told you about his feelings? Or do you have a serious crush on him? He knows where you're at. If you decide to go out with him, and it turns out you ARE gay, he would be ludicrous of him to say he's ok with it first and then back out later. It is as if you would realize he just was a friend in the end, and end it. But in the end, it's your decision. My advice is only: Search your own feeling on how you feel about him. It doesn't have to be the exact definition of them, but at least a direction. The family thing sucks. I've never been in a situation like that growing up in a super open minded family and environment. I just hope that, no matter what you find out, it will be ok. There isn't really anything I can tell you to make it easier, other than: they might surprise you! Thank you. This was so helpful, i may not have all the answers but at least i now know where to start looking for them. As for the guy, I'll have to do some serious feeling searching but atleast i have a little courage now that if i decide that i do like him i can ask him out instead of not because I'm so afraid i'll hurt him. So, thank you, for the answers and the confidence |
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Part of me doesn't want to come out because I think it's not something I should have to do, I'd like to think that if I do meet someone I could just say "this is who I'm dating, it's no big deal". The other part of me thinks I'm just a coward who's afraid of being judged, like I'm afraid of disappointing people or them thinking I'm "wrong". I think the people I would most like to come out to are my friends. I don't feel the need to come out to my family because I personally would feel a bit weird discussing my sexuality with my parents and I know they wouldn't be bothered anyway. But with my friends, I always feel like I'm having to pretend to be something I'm not when they're all discussing guys and relationships and stuff. The thing is they're all straight and the way they react to other gay people leads me to think they might judge me and not want to hang out anymore. The simple answer would be to get new friends if they can't take me for who I am, but I've known them for years and being the introvert I am I would be socially isolating myself by cutting them out of my life. 
Yeah, deep down I know they're not my true friends if they don't accept me, it's just the idea of having no one to hang out with if they all abandon me that scares me. Although perhaps that will force me to go out and meet people who I feel I can be myself around. 
